One of the most difficult parts about writing humor articles is that while most articles are at least based in truth, sometimes people just don’t believe that anything so stupid could actually happen.
Case in point: Jacksonville Jaguar wide receiver Troy Williamson has challenged Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress to a fight on the 50-yard line during their upcoming game this Sunday.
The bad blood, at least on Williamson’s side, came from games that were missed by the butter-fingered receiver while he was an over-hyped and over-paid receiver for the Vikings. Williamson told the Vikings that he would not be at practice for a few days in order to attend his grandmother’s funeral.
The Vikings paid their respects by docking the massive letdown’s pay.
The bad blood on the Viking’s side comes from the fact that Williamson sucked as a player and a person.
In Williamson’s statement, the aspiring pugilist stated that, “We can meet on the 50-yard line and we can go at it.” Williamson even stated that he would fight with both hands tied behind his back. Much like the way his plays wide receiver.
Childress responded with more words and emotion than he has shown in his entire tenure as head coach in the frozen north, “Do you need my reach? I’m not like a woman; I’ll give you my weight. It’s 190-pounds of twisted steel and rompin’, stompin’ dynamite.”
Using the Bleacher Report Crystal Ball of Future Sporting Disasters (a device not used since predicting the outcome in the “Chad Johnson challenges Michael Phelps to a Race; Drowns” article), we can now see how this fight would have turned out:
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about 1 month ago
As a Vikings fan, Williamson was a huge letdown a first round draft pick that didn't put everything he had into routes or for that matter even catch the ball. GO BRAD CHILDRESS!
from about 1 month ago
I think that he has been saving his energy for just such an occasion.
about 1 month ago
Hilarious!
from about 1 month ago
Thanks, Scott!
about 1 month ago
oh my god.. im picturing all this as you're saying it and all im hoping for is Andy Reid to come running (eh) out of the locker room to defend his old buddy. sadly, i was let down.
good stuff though!!
poor childress must have had flashbacks of Freddie Mitchell.
Hopefully Harbaugh doesnt overshoot on a receiver next year!
from about 1 month ago
Damn it! I'm only one man!
Nonetheless, thanks.
about 1 month ago
Sadly as a Vikes fan who is not happy with the current situation, I would back Williamson! But he has such bad hands and eyes, I am not sure he would hit Brad. Especially with that wall of plays Childress hold in front of his face.
from about 1 month ago
Excellent point, I didn't even take into account his facial shield. That's what I get for drinking and writing.
about 1 month ago
That was too funny
from about 1 month ago
You are too kind. Thanks a lot!
about 1 month ago
Williamson would be the won coming out the winner. He may not be able to catch a football well but punching someone is a completely different story. Can you blame Williamson for being upset with Childress? Childress was a cold hearted bastard fining him for missing too many practices because he wanted to be with his family not only because of his grandmother dying but because his older brother was also in the hospital going in and out of a coma after a car accident.
Did Childress change his mind about the fine because he realized the importance of family? No. He decided to not fine Williamson because the teams leadership committee advised Childress it wouldn't be a great idea. How could anyone respect Childress after that?
Personally after reading that I'm pretty sure there's more than just Williamson in this world who would like to punch Childress in the face.
I wonder what Childress would have done to Stephen Jackson if he had missed a few games to help the grieving Matt Barnes after he had lost his mother. Childress is a first class jerk and the good news is he'll lose his job at the end of the season because the Vikings aren't going to the playoffs again.
from about 1 month ago
Word is (according to punter Chris Kluwe) that a bunch of players got together to voice their opinion about Williamson losing money for going to his grandma's funeral and ended up getting the head office to pay him.
One more reason why Chris Warcraft is awesome!
about 1 month ago
Oh by the way if you have to say I'm not a woman as a quote than you know the person is in trouble. Childress better have an ambulance waiting to take him to the hospital.
from about 1 month ago
He could always paddle one of Pat William's shoes down the river to the University of Minnesota medical school.
about 1 month ago
although there is no doubt Williamson has been a mega disappointment i would be extremely pissed too if they docked my pay for attending my grandmother's funeral and the situation with his brother. I would back him just because that is awful.
from about 1 month ago
Agreed, although, I'm not sure how beating up a old, small, poor-visioned white man would help the situation.
from about 1 month ago
we all know athletes are weird. so who the heck knows?
from about 1 month ago
I blame rap music.
about 1 month ago
they are both failures. One cant coach and one cant catch.. neither can fight
from about 1 month ago
Maybe we could look at it as killing two birds with one stone if we add a possible "cock-fighting element" and tie razors to their feet.
about 1 month ago
I noticed Williamson say he'd fight Childress with both hands behind his back. Good thing he also sees that his hands are pretty much useless.
from about 1 month ago
Agreed, his using his hands in a fight only hurts his chances of winning.
about 1 month ago
haha! Very good!
Keep up the good work!
from about 1 month ago
Thanks, I plan to as long as the cost of Southern Comfort stops going up. I used to be able to buy the stuff for 10.99. They do a few commercials and it costs more than a tank of gas.
about 1 month ago
Although I'm not 100% sure about this, but I'm pretty sure that the only 1st round draft pick that was a bigger bust for the Vikings in the last 20 years was Dimitrus Underwood. Ouch!
You'd think the guy would adopt some of those sticky gloves to help him catch the damn ball!
from about 1 month ago
I would have added Dimitrius to the scenario, but there is a good chance he would have been out before the fight started due to stabbing himself in the back of the neck repeatedly.
about 1 month ago
I got Childress.
Not only is Williamson soft, he's probably mentally fragile from knowing what a bust he was. Besides I don't bet against a guy with a mustache like Childress; it means buisness.
from about 1 month ago
You gotta be a real man to sport a stache like that.
I, on the other hand, am unable to grow a mustache...
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